One year post-surgery

The above photo is me, two days after surgery, tired but so happy to be heading out of my apartment to go get pizza with family (and I still remember how darn good that pizza tasted!). 

I was so scared and nervous before surgery. Even though it was elective and I had spent an enormous amount of time researching it, learning about others' experiences, there was still a huge unknown. I simply didn't know how I was going to fare - and that's what mattered most. 

Twelve months later, I stop to think about it and my brain sort of blanks. I'm not quite sure why - I think part of me is not sure what to think. It felt like a long road to recovery (and it's still not finished), and yet, time has seemed to pass more quickly than usual. 

I am just now at the point where I can drop the run/walking and just run. I'm not fast, but so far I seem to be averaging a pace about what I was running before. This tells me two things: 

1) I'm at the level I was at before surgery
2) If I'm at my "baseline" without feeling 100% recovered, I have nowhere to go but up. Assuming I'm not an idiot and suddenly abandon the deliberate, methodical approach I've taken for the past year.

Don't be an idiot, don't be an idiot, don't be an idiot .... 

With that in hand, I've had some other nuggets of realization based on life the past two years. A lot has happened - a geographic life change that didn't work out, another geographic life change that has worked out, a physical life change that so far has worked out and a mental/emotional change that has really worked out. 

From all of these, I've learned that it's okay to take chances and it's okay that they don't work out. Failures define our lives as much as successes do, and just because they are failures, it doesn't make them any less meaningful. Also as important, it's okay to admit when things aren't great. Pushing through unhappy situations isn't always the best thing to do, although genuinely giving things a chance is. 

I've learned that when you know what will make you happy to pursue it with all of your heart, soul and energy. Life is better when your pursue what makes you happy and healthy (physically and mentally). 

I've learned that being flexible and forgiving with yourself is just as important as being that with others. Routines are great and so are workout plans and/or programs, but you don't always need one. I've tried to follow so many workout plans or programs, and quite frankly, it's been exhausting. Lately, I've taken to setting a workout routine for myself, but not a program. There are days I plan to do strength training, days I plan to run, days I plan to do yoga and days I plan to cross train. They are written in pencil on a calendar on my refrigerator. Pencil means I can erase, rearrange and make some changes without feeling bad about it. Like yesterday, for example. I had strength training on the calendar. I did yoga in the morning and intended to do strength training after work. However, I was mentally exhausted and just plain tired. So, I didn't do strength training and I didn't feel bad about it at all. Does that mean I change my plans every day? Nope. Still went for the planned run this morning, will do some yoga tonight. Or strength training. Just depends on how I feel. 

I've learned that eating healthy makes me feel better, but being strict with my food does not. Sticking to one "diet culture" does not work for me, but embracing all of them sorta makes life fun. I definitely eat a higher fat diet (and have amazing cholesterol and blood sugar levels!), but still eat things like oatmeal, rice and other grains. I don't feel bad about having a drink or a few gummy bears after a workout. I occasionally put butter in my coffee (seriously, it's so yummy!).  I'm happier than ever and my jeans fit well. That is what matters. <<-- that's the mindframe I try to keep. It's not always there and, if want to get really fast, dropping some extra fat will help, but I'm trying really hard to not let physical appearance drive me.

Thanks for sticking with me through it all. Looking forward to sharing more running things.