I wonder what they think

Today, I threw on my Rock On! Lake Perry Trail Run shirt - the shirt that represents the hardest race I have taken on to date. After I did, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror and I wondered what people thought when they saw me in this shirt, with its three different distances written around the bottom of the logo.

Did they assume I ran the 5k? The half? The 50k?

Did they assume I really sucked at it or that I did really well?

Then, I got super annoyed with myself because the honest answer is mostly like that no one cares, that anyone would half glance at it, see 'trail run' and move on with their life, without a second thought. Or really, with any thought on it hardly registering at all.

I often wish I didn't care so much about what other people thought about me. I mean, I'm growing my hair out because guys in general just don't like girls with short hair. That and I don't think I'll ever find anyone who can just magically cut my hair to be short and awesome like Chelsea did at Chop Tops Westport. Free PSA: Kansas City people, totally go see Chelsea at Chop Tops. She's awesome. And hilarious. I miss her already.

Ok, ok I'm also growing out my hair because my own self-confidence depends on that little extra bit of feminine definition that comes with longer locks. I wish it didn't, but it does. I have no regrets on chopping it off, though. I do love my hair ... I just want it to be about 3 inches longer, that's all.

How did I get from running to my hair?

Oh well. The point is, I need to stop caring so much about how everyone else perceives my running and my hair. As long as they see me as a kind and genuine person, what else matters? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The Red Paper Clip

Today, while unpacking, I found the red paper clip. The same one that was on my coffee table that you picked up and fiddled with for what seemed to be an eternity, right before you broke my heart.

I picked that paper clip up and it took me back to over a year ago. Funny, it seemed so long ago, but I still remember every detail of that moment. I sort of wish I didn't. I sort of wish I didn't remember a lot of things when it comes to you. And I sort of wish I didn't sort of wish all that. It's complicated.

I don't know why I didn't throw that damn paper clip away months ago. I'd found it several times with the same effect, but I would just throw it back in the junk drawer, to be forgotten until I found it again while looking for something else.

Today I threw it away. I don't want memories of you in my new home. And I'm not saying it to be mean, I'm just saying it as a fact. My new home is a clean slate, and I can't have that if you are still laying around with that stupid, red paper clip.

Let me take a moment to be sappy about the Royals

I moved to the Kansas City area in 2001.
I didn't really care about the Royals at all until about 2004, when a co-worker of mine and I would give each other the raspberries about any Royals-Twins series.

See, I grew up thinking Kirby Puckett was the most awesome guy ever.
Then, I loved Corey Koskie, because he was the Twins' thirdbaseman and that was my base when I played softball.
And by then we had Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau playing for the Twinkies, so we all know I just got swept off my feet.

I didn't want to like the Royals. Ugh, the Royals. What kind of name is Billy Butler? What kind of weirdo is Zach Greinke?

But then, I went to a few games at Kauffman. Man, the K is one of the best ball fields in the MLB. How can you not love a game there?

And at that time, the Royals still had awesome players like David DeJesus, who simply looked like he was having a ball every time he played.
I began to appreciate Billy Butler, because he was the only Royals player to choose a country song for his introduction. And damn, it was so obvious he loved playing for Kansas City.

So, I bought a Royals hat.

I saw more games at the K. And would post about it on Facebook.

I bought a Royals shirt. And then another one. And then I wanted to buy, like 5.

Actually, this one I tried to permanently borrow from my friend. She noticed.

I dressed up in Royals gear for my pre-marathon costumed run in Ireland.

I didn't even realize it, but I had become a full-blown Royals fan. Those boys in blue just grow on ya. You can't help but love them, especially when you are me, who roots for the underdog everytime. Unless it's the Olympics. Then it's USA all the way. Except when Mo Farrah got back to back golds on the 5 and 10k. But that was just amazing.

So, there I was, getting excited when we were in first place for a moment, hoping my dad's Tigers would choke (damnit, Joe Nathan never lets his team down).

And I sat, glued to the TV for 3.5 hours last night (missed the first half of the game). It was late, innings 10 and 11 left the winning run on 3rd. At that point, I usually just go to bed. But I couldn't. I couldn't walk out on the Royals. They were playing so hard. Brandon Finnegan had become my new favorite player (if only I had been that cool under pressure at 21 - TWENTY ONE!). I couldn't bear to watch, but I couldn't bear to leave.

Then ... it happened. WIN!!!!! I wanted to be at the K celebrating with everyone else. Hugging strangers. At least I hope that happened.

Guess what guys, I'm a total sap now, because I am going to use the Royals sappy catch phrase:

I believe.

Sigh. I totally believe. Let's go have a Cinderella moment. She wore blue, too, ya know.