It's Scary

I postponed my physical therapy appointment, the one where I was supposed to find out if I could start running again. 

The real (and valid) reason I had to postpone was a very important work meeting, one I simply couldn't miss. So, the new appointment is on the 9th. It's close. 

But there is another reason. I'm scared. It's been 6 months of working back towards this, all this time and money invested in what is supposed to mean that I can run pain free and not even have to run/walk in order to be pain free. I realized last night that I'm scared it will have all been for nothing. I'm scared that I will still be in pain, that I will still be run/walking because I have to, not because I believe that Jeff Galloway's method will actually lead to more PRs. All I want is to run and to run as fast as I am able, to do speed work and tempo runs and be completely sweaty and ungodly stinky and utterly exhausted at the end of a work out. 

But what if I'm not? What if .... Ugh, that is the worst question in the world to ask and I know it, but that's all I can think right now. Because not everything works out the way we plan. Not everything comes together so perfectly. And so I'm scared. I'm scared the answer will be "not yet", I'm scared the answer will be "yes, BUT ...." and I'm scared that 6 months from now, I'll be no better off than I was a year ago. 

I know I have to try and I know the only way I'll know is when I start a return to running program. It just doesn't quelch any fears I have right now. 

And I'm a little gassy, but that's probably the Brussels sprouts I ate last night.